Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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