I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
