apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
