i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
