I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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