I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
