for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
