why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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