Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
