He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
