my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't think brook has ever known best
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
