Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
