You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
