wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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