I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
