this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The power of my boobs compel you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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