why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
