his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
