Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
