dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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