oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
