How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
