Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
