after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
