Kiss
Puke
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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