I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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