I can tuck mytits in my pants
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
