apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
