guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
