Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Small penises have feelings too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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