well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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