I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
even my farts smell like vagina
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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