im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
