Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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