So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
