did you get engaged???
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
