yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
