The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
