We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
