i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
