I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
