why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Drunk is a universal language darling
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
