had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
