sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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