We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
