my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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