This is not my ceiling
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
