suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
