I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
