I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
